Commonly referred to as body dysmorphia, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. Flaws can be minor or things that can’t be seen by others. A person with body dysmorphia may feel so embarrassed and ashamed about these flaws or their appearance that they avoid social interactions. Coping with body dysmorphia is unimaginably difficult. This disorder can make it difficult for a person to build and sustain relationships and may cause them to take extreme measures to “fix” their flaws. If you’re at a loss for words and don’t know how to help, our Banyan mental health center is sharing some ideas on what to say to someone with body dysmorphia to help you be there for a loved one.

What To Say To Someone Who Has Body Dysmorphia

Knowing how to talk to someone with body dysmorphia can help you navigate your loved one’s condition and be sensitive to their symptoms. Especially if your loved one has displayed the signs of body dysmorphia, it’s important to learn how to talk to them in a way that will help them, encourage them to get mental health treatment, and show them that you care. It can be tough to find the right words, but researching this condition and putting effort into learning how to support someone with body dysmorphia is worth it. Below are some examples of what to say to someone with body dysmorphia to show them that you care and want them to get help.

“I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.”

Although you may think that your loved one already knows this, sometimes a person needs an invitation to speak. Body dysmorphia often produces feelings of embarrassment and shame, which lead to isolation. A person with this condition may be hesitant to speak about their symptoms and how they feel because they don’t want to burden anyone or because they’re afraid to be judged. Regardless of how long you’ve known this person or how close you are, remind them that you’re there to simply listen to them if they ever need to vent or if they need advice.

“You’re not alone.”

While you may not have body dysmorphia yourself, you can make your loved one feel better by reminding them that they don’t have to go through this condition alone. Loving someone with BDD is a 24/7 commitment, but they may not know that. Share with the person that you’re on their team, and you’ll be there for them no matter what.

“I may not know how you feel, but I’m here to help you with anything you need.”

Often, people say hurtful or dismissive things without realizing it. One of the most harmful things you can do is attempt to relate to the person’s condition if you don’t have it yourself. Saying things like “I know exactly how you feel” or trying to compare their symptoms with something you’ve felt before comes across as dismissive and makes it seem like you don’t care. Do not make the conversation about yourself. Instead, be honest with them. Tell them that while you don’t know exactly how they feel, you’re available to help them with whatever they need.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

While this might sound like a simple thing to say, letting people with BDD know you’re sympathetic toward their condition is comforting, and expressing your empathy shows them that you genuinely care for them. Many people who are informed about a loved one’s mental illness ask questions like, “But why do you feel that way? Can’t you just stop? Why don’t you snap out of it?” all of which can be extremely hurtful. Saying that you’re sorry they’re suffering can go a long way because it shows that you believe them, accept what they’re saying, and that you understand them.

“What you're feeling is completely valid, but remember that BDD causes you to see yourself differently.”

It might be tempting to tell someone with body dysmorphia that their symptoms are all in their head, but this can be both dismissive and frustrating. To say that it’s all in their head minimizes the concern and makes them seem as if they’re making things up. Avoid this kind of language, and instead gently remind them that while they may see these flaws, their condition causes these symptoms.

• Educate yourself on BDD
• Steer the conversation without dismissing them
• Do not make the conversation about yourself
• Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid statements that place blame on someone
• Validate their feelings
• Avoid talking about your physical appearance or insecurities around them (this can be triggering for them)
• Gently remind them that it’s BDD talking when they’re in a negative spiral of symptoms

Steer the conversation without dismissing them

Guide the dialogue without disregarding their feelings. If your friend has shared that they dislike the way their arms look, for instance, it can be challenging to refrain from responding with an immediate "That's not true, your arms are thin." Although you intend to counter their perception, a more effective approach would be to redirect their attention from their external appearance towards their positive non-physical qualities.

Reassure them that you love them for their personality

Because individuals with body dysmorphia place so much emphasis on their looks, they may feel as if looking a certain way is what makes them deserving of love and affection. While you might assume your loved one knows you care about them regardless of how they look, it can be helpful to reassure them of this. Continue to reassure them that you’re there for them and that their appearance will never change how you feel about them.

How To Help Someone With Body Dysmorphia

The best way to help someone with body dysmorphia is to help them find professional treatment. Therapy programs like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are helpful for people with mental disorders like BDD. CBT specifically focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to mental illness and replacing them with healthier ones.

If you need mental health therapy or know someone who does, we can help. Call Banyan Treatment Centers now at 888-280-4763 or contact us online to speak to a team member about our adult mental health services.